


She Doesn't Need to Know

by IssuesoftheSoul



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I don't really write angst so this is just a rough attempt, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:34:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29345220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IssuesoftheSoul/pseuds/IssuesoftheSoul
Summary: What if Emily told everyone but JJ that she took the Interpol job?
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	She Doesn't Need to Know

**Author's Note:**

> I've never really written angst before, so this is me trying to do so. Any mistakes are my own. Characters do not belong to me, but to CBS.

“You need to tell her.”

Emily shifts her attention away from JJ and Will dancing, the newlyweds looking extremely happy, to Morgan, who had just sat down next to her.

“Tell her what?” Emily asks, knowing exactly what Morgan meant but refusing to acknowledge it.

The younger agent rolls his eyes before responding, “That you love her and that you are moving to London to work for Interpol.”

Emily sighs but knows he is right. She had already told everyone on the team that she was taking the job in London, except JJ. Emily begged the others not to let JJ know until after it was all said and done, and the others reluctantly agreed.

“She’s happy, Derek. She doesn’t need to know how I’m feeling, and she doesn’t need to concern herself with my career. She made her choice.”

Morgan speaks, “Princess, did she even know that you were an option? Did you ever admit your feelings for her? Or to anyone for that matter?”

Both he and Emily already know the answers to those questions were no. Morgan doesn’t know for sure if Emily loves JJ. He thinks she does, but without her confirmation, Derek can only presume. However, she didn’t deny it when he said that she loves JJ. It’s clear Prentiss has feelings, but he doesn’t know if Emily herself even knows how deep those feelings are. He saw how heartbroken Prentiss was when JJ and Will were going to get married. It was no surprise that Emily needed to run away; Emily is the type of person to compartmentalize and not face things head-on. Interpol gave her the escape she desperately craved.

The two continue to sit in silence, Morgan giving up on expecting Prentiss to answer his questions. Meanwhile, Emily has shifted her attention back to JJ and Will, noticing how beautiful JJ is in her dress. At this point, Henry has joined them. Will has him in his arms, and the three of them dance slowly to the song playing. Prentiss’ heart pangs as she realizes that she can never give JJ that perfect picture family, no matter how much she might want to.

Emily once again says, “She doesn’t need to know.”

“She does, Prentiss. She’s going on her honeymoon for a week, and you’ll be long gone by the time she gets back. JJ will be the last to know. She’ll be mad that we didn’t tell her.”

“Then tell her that you guys didn’t tell her because I told you guys not to. Cast the blame on me.”

Derek replies, “This isn’t fair to you, to her, or to us.”

Emily sighs, “Life isn’t fair, Derek.”

At that, Derek shakes his head and walks off. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see him talk to Penelope and Spencer, no doubt about their conversation, even if keeping some of it private. It was clear that they also wanted Emily to tell JJ of the new job before she left.

Emily looks at her watch and realizes that her red-eye flight would be leaving for London in two hours. She was packed and ready to go; all she needed to do is say goodbye to her team. She pulls out her phone and quickly calls a cab to take her to Reagan International Airport, leaving her with 15 minutes to say goodbye to her team, her family.

She’s subtle in her goodbyes, making sure that JJ doesn’t see anything. Fortunately, the blonde agent didn’t notice the goodbyes going on around her, or if she did, just thought that Emily was leaving for the day.

Hotch shakes her hand. Rossi hugs her and kisses her forehead. Spencer and Derek also hug her, Spencer holding her longer than she expected. Finally, she says goodbye to Penelope, who doesn’t let her go off without giving her own opinion.

“You should at least say goodbye to her for the night. JJ deserves that at least.”

Emily nods, “She does deserve that. But Pen, I don’t think I’m strong enough to do it. If I say goodbye, I’ll want to break down and tell her everything. And I can’t do that to JJ today. She deserves her happiness with her family more than anything.”

Penelope looks uneasy, but she wipes her tears and gives Emily another hug.

With one last look at JJ, whose attention remained firmly fixed on her family, Emily left Rossi’s house in the taxi to take her to the airport.

  
  


* * *

When JJ gets back from her honeymoon, she first notices that Emily’s desk is empty. Then, she realizes that the entire team is reluctant to talk about where Emily is. She lets it go, for now, needing to catch up on her paperwork. Finally, at the end of her first day back, she corners Derek and Penelope in Penelope’s office.

Jareau exclaims, “You guys! Where is Emily? Why is everyone acting like they’re walking on eggshells?”

Morgan and Garcia share a look. JJ doesn’t know what the look means, but it ends when Derek sighs and Pen nods her head. Both of them shift their attention back to the agent in front of them, expectantly waiting for an answer.

Derek scratches the back of his head, taking a deep breath, in and out, before answering JJ, “JJ, Emily left. She got offered a job with Interpol and took it.”

JJ stands there confused, “I thought she was going to turn it down.”

Penelope audibly gulps before taking over, “She was. But she took it before your wedding.”

JJ gasps, “Before my wedding? Did everyone know but me?”

Derek looks to the floor and nods his head.

JJ pushes on, “Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why didn’t she tell me?”

Morgan responds, “Prentiss didn’t want anyone telling you. She didn’t want to ruin your day.”

Garcia continues, “We tried to get her to tell you that she was leaving, but she said it was for the best.”

JJ felt her heart break at those words. She could feel tears building up, but she quickly blinks them back and works on keeping the emotion out of her voice as she responds.

“For the best? She is one of my best friends. Why did she leave?”

Penelope answers, “It’s better if she tells you why she left. None of us have the full story. Her number is the same. You can try texting her.”

At that, Jareau leaves Pen’s office, striding to her desk and picking up her phone. She ignores a few messages from Will and instead pulls up the message window of her conversation with Emily. She stifles a sob as she looks at the last messages. It was a text from Emily confirming that she would be at the wedding and that she was so excited for JJ. JJ had just sent a smiley face in response. God, if she had known that would be the last time she would talk to Emily before Emily left, she would have told her that she would miss her immensely. 

JJ sends off a message that simply asked if they could talk. JJ takes a deep breath, gathers her items, and leaves for the day.

* * *

Two weeks later, JJ hadn’t heard anything from the brunette. She called her and texted her, but the other end remained radio silent.

Finally deciding that she had had enough of the brunette’s silence, JJ hounds Penelope for details on Emily’s new assignment. After determining where Prentiss works, Jareau buys the first ticket to London she could find, heading off to London with no idea of when she would be back.

JJ lies to Will about it. She says that the team will be away for awhile on a case. He doesn’t press her about it, and she feels guilty, but the burning uncertainty of Emily’s disappearance won’t leave the blonde alone.

It isn’t long before JJ was on a plane, go-bag in hand, ready to confront her best friend.

* * *

By the time JJ arrives in London, it is the middle of the night. She settles into her hotel and falls asleep immediately, setting an alarm to wake her up in the morning so she can get ready to go to Emily’s office.

It’s a few hours into the workday when Jareau arrives at the building Emily works. She flashes her FBI badge to get in, only slightly feeling guilty for using it as she was there for personal reasons rather than work reasons. Front desk security makes her fill out a piece of paper with her information and gives her a sticker with her name and information on it. They also tell her where she can find Emily. Thanking them with a small smile, she goes to the elevator and presses the button for Emily’s office, sticking the nametag on her shirt over her heart.

The elevator lets out a ding as it stops on the fifth floor. JJ gets off and sighs in relief when no one pays her any attention. She spots the brunette from afar. Emily is looking at a file that an agent is holding, nodding and speaking to him about whatever the file has. The conversation ends, and Emily enters her office while the agent walks to his desk.

JJ slowly makes her way over to Emily’s office. Her hands are slightly trembling as she doubts being here in London. What if Emily doesn’t want to see her? What if Emily is mad at her?

She lets out a shaky breath and knocks on the closed door of Emily’s office. Once Emily gives her permission to come in, JJ enters and closes the door.

Emily is sitting at her desk, hunched over a file and not looking up as the door closes.

“Anything new on the Miller case?”

JJ still stands by the door, unsure of what to do. She realizes that she has been silent for a long time when Emily starts to look up and speak, “Do you have the information on-”

Emily cuts herself off when she sees JJ standing by her door. JJ looks good, she notes to herself, but her eyes are sorrowful.

“JJ? What are you doing here?”

JJ lets out a deep breath and walks towards Emily’s desk, “You left without saying goodbye. You left without telling me you were going to leave. You left, and you made the team not tell me of your decision until after returning from my honeymoon. God, how am I supposed to feel Emily when I hear that my best friend didn’t want me to know that she got offered an incredible job at Interpol?”

JJ inwardly curses herself as her voice breaks with the final question, the emotion struggling to contain itself.

“Jayje, I-”

But the younger woman cuts her off, refusing to let her continue. JJ has a lot to say, and she’ll be damned if she doesn’t get to say it all before she decides to keep it in as she is used to doing.

“No. I have more to say. I needed a moment to gather myself. Emily, you just left. Why didn’t I deserve to know? I thought we were best friends. I thought that we were more than best friends, honestly. No one gets me like you do, not even Will. I thought you felt the same, but then you didn’t tell me about this job, and you wouldn’t answer my messages. It’s like I don’t even matter to you.”

She’s finally done and lets the older woman speak, “Jen, that isn’t it at all. I care about you so much.”

JJ’s voice is shaky and an octave higher as she answers, tears rolling down her cheeks, “Then why didn’t you tell me?”

Emily sighs and stands up, walking towards the blonde. She wipes JJ’s tears away with her fingers and tucks some strands of blonde hair behind her ear, smoothing her hand down the younger woman’s jaw and cupping it before she answers.

“Because I was scared that the truth would come out if I told you I was going to leave and take this job. I was still scared even when you texted and called me. Hell, I’m still scared.”

Jareau sniffled before asking, “Why are you scared?”

Emily sighs, brings her hand back down to her side, and looks down before realizing that JJ needs to know the truth. JJ deserves the truth, even if it hurts Emily. She looks into the sad blue eyes in front of her and responds, “I’m scared because I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I didn’t want to take away from your big day. I didn’t want to ruin your happy family. So I left without telling you. I just wanted you to be happy. And you were until you found out I was gone, I guess.”

JJ is shocked. Her breath catches in her throat. Emily loves her? No. How can that be?

She must have said that last question out loud because Prentiss answers, “Jennifer, I’ve loved you pretty much from the moment I met you. I didn’t realize until after I moved here that I love you. I didn’t want to name the feelings swirling around in my head, but getting space caused me to realize that I am so in love with you. That’s why I left. It hurts to see you with Will when I want to be the one there for you. I want to be the one married to you. But I never will be, so I left. I left, I started working here, and I finally can work on moving on from you. You’re right. You deserve to know why I left. You deserve the whole truth. And now you have it.”

Emily takes a step back and watches the emotions flicker across JJ’s face as the blonde processes the words she just said. Emily said what needed to be said. She said her piece, and now she’s ready to move on.

JJ finally speaks up, “Em. I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

Emily shrugs, “Why would you know? I never gave you any indication that I was interested in you.”

JJ nods, “I’m sorry. Emily, I don’t feel the same way.”

“It’s okay, Jayje. I didn’t expect anything from you. I still don’t. Sometimes the heart wants what it wants. My heart wanted you, but my head knew I would never have you. I moved here to get my heart to move on. It’s already has started to move on, and it’ll continue to do so even when you’re gone.”

JJ wipes her tears and backs towards Emily’s door, “Well, thank you for telling me why. I know it must seem silly to you that I flew here just to ask you some questions, but I needed to know.”

Prentiss hums before speaking, “I don’t think it’s silly. I wasn’t exactly giving you answers before. You did what you needed to do.”

JJ turns to leave but pauses with her hand on the door handle. She turns back around to Emily, who is still looking at her with tears in her eyes. Despite the sadness, JJ can spot the hopefulness in her eyes, hope that Emily can finally move on.

“Emily, I just want you to know that I wanted to fall in love with you. You made it so easy. I was falling for you as we became friends. We know each other like no one else does. But then I got with Will and had Henry, and I know that’s what I want. But, I did want a family with you. I’m sorry we never got there.”

“Me, too, Jayje. Me too.”

With that, JJ left Emily’s office, thoughts of what-ifs and if only’s swirling around her head.

**Author's Note:**

> Haha, pain.
> 
> Come say hi to me on tumblr: @issuesofthesoul


End file.
